Why “Sorry” Is More Than Just a Word: Lessons from Parenting a Toddler

Most of us want our kids to say sorry right away when they do something wrong. Like when a toy gets thrown or someone gets hurt, most often we jump straight to “Say sorry now!” But even we adults struggle with what “sorry” really means. Think about the last time you fought with your partner. Saying sorry isn’t always easy, even when you want to make things right.

It’s easy to teach a child to say the word “sorry.” Helping them actually feel it and understand what goes with it is harder. I’ve learned this the hard way with my own son. There were so many moments where he would mumble a quick “sorry” just to move on, without really getting why he was saying it or how the other person felt.

You might think, “She’s overthinking this. They’re just kids.” But their emotions are still taking shape. If we don’t help them slow down and make sense of what’s happening inside, they might start believing that their feelings don’t matter. Helping them pause, feel and work through emotions is one of the greatest gifts we can give. It builds a strong foundation that helps them grow up confident, kind and able to handle life’s ups and downs.

So here’s what I do with my kid. Instead of demanding an instant apology after a tough moment, I hold him close and wait till we’re both calm. Then I describe what happened. “You were really upset and you yelled at me. I felt sad. Do you think it was right or wrong to yell?” I give him time to think. Most times he says it was wrong. Sometimes he says it was okay because I got loud first. That’s fair. Then I ask, “Do you want to say or do something to make it better?” Sometimes it’s a hug, sometimes a smile and sometimes just a soft “sorry mama.” Those moments mean way more than a quick sorry just to move on.

And I say sorry too. When I lose my temper and shout, I sit with him, look him in the eye and say, “Sorry I got angry and shouted. That wasn’t right. Can we start over?” His face softens and we both feel closer. That apology feels real not just for him but for me too.

This isn’t only about teaching kids to say sorry. It’s also about us parents learning to forgive ourselves. I hear from so many mums who feel guilty after shouting or losing patience. That guilt can feel heavy, but holding onto it doesn’t help. It really helps to calm down, say sorry to your child and invite a fresh start. You’ll be surprised how much that simple act melts the guilt and brings you closer.

After saying sorry, we always find a way to reconnect. Sometimes it’s a cuddle, a laugh or just quiet coloring together. That’s what really heals us both. It shows him that mistakes happen but our love never breaks.

Sorry isn’t about fixing things right away. It’s about pausing, feeling and finding each other again one small real moment at a time.

I’d love to hear how you handle mistakes and apologies in your home. Do you have any special ways of saying sorry or reconnecting after a tough moment? Share your stories or tips in the comments. Let’s learn from each other.