Becoming a new mom is a beautiful journey, but it can also feel overwhelming. Suddenly, everyone has advice and often, it feels like no one truly understands what you’re going through. For many moms, this phase brings challenges in relationships especially with in-laws or even their own parents and husbands.
If you find yourself feeling irritated, frustrated or judged, take a moment to pause and reflect. Could your emotions be influenced by your own mental state?
When I had my baby, I struggled with postpartum depression (PPD). At the time, it felt like everyone around me was either criticising me or not helping enough. But looking back, I realize that my exhaustion, anxiety and the mental fog of those early months played a big role in how I saw things.
This doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t valid. Sometimes, people may genuinely overstep, dismiss your choices or make you feel unsupported. But it’s also worth asking yourself:
Am I more sensitive than usual right now?
Are they trying to help in their own way, even if it doesn’t match what I need?
The good news? There are ways to navigate these relationships while prioritising your well-being and building harmony in the family.
Engaging Grandparents: Share the Joy, Share the Responsibility
Grandparents often want to feel involved in raising their grandchildren. In Indian families, this stems from love and pride. But for new moms, their enthusiasm can sometimes feel like interference. Finding a balance is key. Allowing them to contribute without disrupting your parenting choices. Here’s how you can include them meaningfully:
Ask for Help with Traditions - Grandparents cherish passing down cultural rituals. Involve them by asking:
“Can you teach me the lullaby you used to sing to my husband as a baby?”
“Could you prepare a special dish for the baby’s milestone celebration?” This honors their experience and gives them a role to cherish.
Assign a “Special Role” - Everyone loves feeling valued. Give them unique tasks such as:
Storytelling or singing at bedtime
Creating a memory box or photo album
Taking over playtime while you rest (like early morning hours)
Praise Their Efforts - A little acknowledgment goes a long way. For example:
“The baby is so calm when you sing that lullaby!”
“Thank you for making that dish; it brings back so many lovely memories.”
Let Them Take Pride in Milestones - Share joyful updates to keep them involved:
“The baby started crawling! She must have your genes for being active.”
“She loves the toy you got her, it’s her favorite!”
How to Manage Relationships with Grace
While it’s wonderful to involve others, it’s also important to manage tricky dynamics with care.
Pause Before Reacting - Before responding to a frustrating comment or action, pause and ask yourself:
“Am I reacting to them, or is my exhaustion influencing how I feel?”
“If I weren’t this tired, would this still bother me?”
Choose Your Battles Wisely - Not everything needs a response. Sometimes, silence protects your peace better than confrontation. Save your energy for what matters most:
Ignore unsolicited advice if it’s harmless.
Politely steer conversations away from sensitive topics.
Set Boundaries Without Guilt - If someone is crossing a line, it’s okay to gently assert yourself:
“I appreciate your concern, but I’d like to do things this way for now.”
“I need some space to figure this out. Thank you for understanding."
If you’re finding it particularly hard to stand your ground, you can reference your doctor’s advice:
“The doctor suggested we follow this approach for now, let’s give it a try.”
It’s often harder for people to push back against something that comes from an expert, which can make boundary-setting smoother and less confrontational.
Bring Your Husband on the Same Page
Husbands play a crucial role, but they may not always know or understand what you’re going through. Here’s how to involve them:
Share Your Feelings - Use “I” statements to express your struggles. For example, “I feel overwhelmed when [situation] and I need your support.”
Be Specific - Instead of saying, “You’re not helping,” try, “It would mean a lot if you could handle bath time or stand up for me when needed.”
Educate Together - Share resources about postpartum emotions or attend sessions together to help him understand your experience.
If he still doesn’t get it, involve a neutral party like a trusted friend or therapist.
When All Else Fails, Seek Support
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, relationships can feel overwhelming. In such cases:
Talk to a Trusted Peer - Venting to someone who’s been through similar experiences can provide relief and perspective.
Reach Out to an Expert - A counselor or therapist can help you navigate challenges and give you tools to manage emotions and relationships more effectively.
If it’s getting tough, we have peer support groups and counselors who are here to help. Book a session today and take the first step towards finding clarity and calm.
A Final Word
Postpartum emotions can sometimes cast a shadow on how you see others, but they’re also an opportunity to reflect and strengthen relationships. By involving your in-laws in meaningful ways, setting boundaries and seeking support when needed, you can create a nurturing environment for yourself and your baby.
Prioritising your mental health isn’t selfish, it’s essential. A happy mom makes for a happy baby and ultimately, a happier family.
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