Expanding your family is one of life’s most amazing journeys, but it’s not just mom and dad who need to adjust. Soon-to-be big brothers and sisters have their emotional journey to embark on, and as parents, we have the privilege and responsibility of guiding them through it. As a mother of two daughters and a psychologist, I’ve walked this path with my children, preparing my elder daughter for the arrival of her younger sister and now navigating the dynamics as they grow older. In this blog, I’ll share how I prepared my daughter for her new role as a big sister and how you can, too.
The Challenge: The Emotional Rollercoaster of Sibling Adjustment
The moment you announce your pregnancy, your older child might be filled with excitement and curiosity about the new baby. During pregnancy, my eldest daughter was full of love. She would often talk to my belly, touch it gently and express how she couldn’t wait to meet her little sibling. But once the baby arrived, reality set in. The baby required constant care and attention, leaving me with less time to dedicate to my elder daughter.
This shift in attention can make older siblings feel rejected, ignored and sometimes even jealous. They may have a hard time adjusting to the fact that they are no longer the centre of attention. This emotional response is completely normal, it's a part of their development as they begin to understand the complexities of family dynamics.
Why It’s Challenging
For the older child, the arrival of a new baby can evoke a mixture of emotions:
Confusion and insecurity: They might struggle with the sudden shift in attention and routines.
Jealousy: The new baby demands a lot of care, which can cause the older sibling to feel overlooked.
Fear of losing their place: The older child may fear they are no longer as important to you, and this fear can manifest in tantrums or regression.
These feelings are not only normal but also part of their emotional and developmental growth. It’s important to recognise these signs early on so you can respond in ways that help them process these emotions healthily.
How to Make the Transition Easier
As a mother, I worked intentionally to help my daughter bond with her sister even before the birth and throughout the first few years of their relationship. Here are some practical steps that can help ease the transition:
Prepare During Pregnancy
Involve them early: Start involving your older child in the pregnancy. Let them feel connected to the baby by talking about the pregnancy together. You can show them ultrasound pictures, help pick out baby clothes, or even encourage them to sing or talk to the baby.
Normalize their feelings: Acknowledge that it's okay to feel nervous or unsure about the new baby. This validates their experience and helps them understand that their emotions are normal.
Prepare for changes: Talk about how things will change when the baby arrives. Explain that while you will be busy with the newborn, your love for them will never change. Emphasize the exciting parts, like helping with the baby and being the big sibling.
Doctor’s Appointments: When possible, I took her to prenatal checkups. Letting her hear the baby’s heartbeat for the first time was magical for both of us. It made the idea of a new sibling feel real and tangible, rather than abstract.
Feeling the Baby Kick: As the pregnancy progressed, I encouraged her to feel the baby kick. She would sit beside me, place her hand on my belly, and wait for those little nudges. I could see the wonder in her eyes each time she was starting to build a connection with her sibling before she even met her.
Decorating the Nursery: One of the most fun things we did was decorate the baby’s room together. She picked out colors, helped set up the crib and arranged baby clothes. This made her feel like she was contributing to the arrival of her new sibling.
Post-Delivery: Maintaining the Connection
One-on-one time: After the baby arrives, make it a priority to spend quality one-on-one time with your older child. Even if it's just a few minutes a day, these moments can reinforce your bond and reassure them of their special place in your heart.
Involve them in baby care: Encourage your older child to help with small tasks, like fetching diapers or singing to the baby. This gives them a sense of involvement and importance, rather than feeling excluded.
Acknowledge their feelings: It's crucial to observe your child’s behavior and acknowledge any feelings of frustration or jealousy. If your older child acts out, don’t dismiss their feelings. Instead, offer comfort and validation, and let them know it's okay to have those feelings.
Fostering Positive Sibling Relationships
Create opportunities for bonding: Let the older sibling interact with the younger one in fun, low-pressure situations. You can read to both of them, play games, or have them share activities. This helps build a sense of connection and cooperation.
Set realistic expectations: Understand that sibling rivalry is normal and part of growing up. My daughters, now ages 9 and 2, still have moments of conflict and disagreement. This is a part of learning how to share, negotiate and navigate relationships. As a parent, it’s important to stay calm and model conflict resolution techniques.
Teach empathy and patience: Help your older child understand the needs of the baby. Why the baby can’t play with them yet or why the baby cries a lot. This can foster empathy and help them be more patient and understanding.
A Final Word: Patience, Love and the Infinite Capacity to Love
As a psychologist and mother, my advice is simple: Be patient with yourself and your children. As you prepare for the arrival of your second child, you might worry about how you’ll love your new baby as much as your first. This is a completely natural concern, but I promise you, you’ll be pleasantly surprised by the way your heart expands. Love doesn’t divide; it multiplies.
Expect challenges, but know that these moments are temporary. The bond between your children will grow over time, and so will your love for both of them. You’ll find that the changes are worth it, and the sibling relationship they develop will be one of the most precious bonds in their lives. Just as my daughters have learned to navigate their sibling dynamic—sometimes with challenges but always with love—your children will, too.
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